Pale Repetition

My temper has gone to an all-time low. Every little thing seems to piss me off now … at school at least.

The small hallways, the ‘human-traffic’, the teachers, the people, everything single thing.

Well, at any rate, it’s around this time that we start re-applying for the next year. I finally managed to properly voice out that I wanted out of that crap of school and my parents told me they’d try to transfer me back somehow.

The chances of this succeeding is slim. Very slim. Slimmer than any ano-person you know.

But I still want to hang on to the little tiny bit of hope.

It’s already for me to hope, right? It’s human.

I don’t want to fool myself into believing that it might actually happen … but I still want to believe in that slim chance.

Because, you never know right?

In other news, my iPod has died. -sniffles-

I’ve had my iPod since 2005. It was a gift from my parents for graduating from primary. It was my best friend. The only person (thing, actually) that knows everything about me. It’s seen me cry and comforted me.  It’s cheered me up. It’s done so much.

Which is strange to say but … my silver iPod mini (yes, mini) meant a lot to me.

As for how it died … well, the battery has run out of juice.

It still works when plugged to a computer, so I can use it as extra memory. But it doesn’t work for more than five minutes when it’s not plugged. -sniff-

I’ll be helping my mom with her part-time during spring break (next week ^o^) for some cash to pay for my new iPod (a Black nano)

Though I am sad I have to part with my best friend, I have to say I’m also glad I’m getting a new one.

My PSP currently lacks a significantly bigger mem card so my new iPod is going to make up for that, thank god.

I sure hope I won’t use up the 8GB the iPod has in a day >< My current iPod is 6GB full … but I’ve got quite a number of BLCDs in it so no wonder it’s so full.

Speaking of my iPod’s contents,

I’m currently addicted to ‘Taiyou to Tsuki o Daite’ and ‘Pale Repetition’ by Sakurai Takahiro and Masakazu Morita, respectively.  The first song is a Haruka (from Tactics) character song and the second a Auel (GSD) cover song.

Auel’s song is just really beautiful (as with all other Gundam SEED songs/bgs) it’s just so beautifully sad. Masakazu sang it BEAUTIFULLY too.

Really, just … Beautiful.

PALE REPETITION LYRICS

繋いだ手　僕の呼ぶ声　ほほを撫ですり抜けていく

現在という日が傷を負い繰り返す
知らないうちに熱を帯びて・・・・・・

哀しみも喜びも記憶さえ眠りにつく
優しくて鮮やかな色　蒼のメロディーを子守唄に

何一つ始まらないで何一つ終らないまま

過去を忘れ霞んでる夢の中
風が明日を揺り起こした・・・・・・

哀しみと喜びが響きあう躯の奥
しなやかに滲み出す色　蒼のメロディーは子守唄に

哀しみも喜びも記憶さえ眠りにつく
優しくて残酷な色　蒼のメロディーを子守唄に

(from Anime Lyrics [dot] com)

–

-sniffles-

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-flail-

OHEYLOOKIT’SBLCKAGAIN!

 Ugh, great my entire body hurts and for no apparent reason at that. My shoulder is sore and it hurts everytime I move it. Then there’s my wrist that starts hurting whenever I bend it and finally my back that’s … euh … just hurts.

My wrist hurts probably from forcing to draw so much this week. Plus, I’m having a sort of art block and only witty 4komas seem to come to mind. Not that 4komas are bad thing, though.  My shoulder and back hurt from bad sleeping positions, probably … I haven’t been falling asleep very easily and my mind isn’t in the mood for BLCDs either. I’m getting so pissed at myself for no reason because of that though.

Anyways, since I have no school tomorrow (-joy-) I’m going to try actually working on Dark Crimson (which, at the rate I’m writing it, will never finish).

I’ve got the base plot down to a dot and all is left is to write it. -cries-

I’ve also wanted to update my NaruSasu/SasuNaru (not sure who’s going to be seme, yet O_<) fanfic “Half a Loaf of Bread”. I’ve had the draft for chapter one written for a while now but I haven’t been able to final it >.> due to my inexplicable fatigue lately.

That aside, life itself is at a neutral position. The other day I was quite depressed when I was hit with the sudden realization that no matter what I do it’s impossible for me to go back to the place I really belong to.

I always knew it, sure. But it’s actually pointed out to you like pen on paper … it’s sort of hurts more.

I had to force myself to try to look on the bright side … which is that I still talk to my friends from back there and that ‘my place’ isn’t that far-away from this hell. Two years and a half more … I won’t say it’ll be easy but I have to survive. Friends or not, motivation or not.

Despite my obvious lack of interest in learning (ever since I moved), I have to force myself. Why? Not sure exactly.

Because I have to get into college? Maybe. Because I have to please my parents? No way.

I just thought that maybe, just maybe, if I tried just a little bit harder I could survive at school at the very least. Honestly though, at this point, forcing myself to fit in is hard; especially since I purposely distanced myself from everyone.

At any rate, it’s either try or continue being alone 24/7 at school. The latter doesn’t seem all that bad considering how much I enjoy alone time but the ’24/7′ part is really harsh.

I love keeping to myself but I also love letting out the inner-fangirl that I am from time to time. I was able to let that part of me out in my old school since there were people who can understand at least 50% of my obsession with anime.

(If I ever find someone who is an even level of yaoi-obsession insanity as me (RL, of course), I will climb the highest mountain and proclaim it to the world, swear)

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