Too bad it ‘s still winter with 20-30cm of snow coming. Boy, do I looooooooove Québec! (sarcasm intended)
I ‘should’ be happier. But ‘should’ is as big a word as ‘if’ … and … I’m not technically in a happy mood right now. Not pissed or depressed either. What’s the word? Oh right, spiteful.
It’s spring break. One short week of sleeping ’til 2 o’ clock in the afternoon … or so it was ‘supposed’ to be until my iPod finally died. I believe I said this in my previous post but whatever.
With my best friend dead, I am in need of a new iPod. So I decided to help my mom at her work for some cash. The money helps, seriously. But, I won’t have the sufficient money I need before the week ends. T_T I’m 100$ short. Basically, the only way I can possibly get it is if my parents decide to pay each 50$. And I have more than enough reasons to make them give in.
1: It’s my birthday in less than a month. (April 3rd!)
2: I’m paying more than half of the original price.
3: I’ve been a good girl (or so I’d like to think)
4: I decided to be considerate of them and canceled my trip to Spain. (I am NOT a considerate person normally)
That said, as long as I can maintain my good image this week, my parents will probably give in to my lures.
Anyways, I’m straying far from what I really wanted to talk to.
When I think of future, I see many. It’s like the different routes in a visual novel or gal-ge and whatnot. The most ‘utopic’ route is the one I know is least likely to happen. The way we are now, there’s no way we are going to talk it through and live happily all 5 (er, 6) of us here in this house.
The route I’m aiming for is one that’ll make everyone happy. It’s realistic and I know I can live through that.
I’m still just a kid, sure. But I’m old enough to know that I won’t always get what I want and that it isn’t alway going to be O.K
We all wish it was easy. But nothing is.
I know that.
So well, it hurts and drives me to tears sometimes.
“If only things didn’t turn out this way” I try my best not to think that. Not to regret. I try to tell myself that since it already happened, I should make the best of it. I won’t pretend I don’t like it. I won’t pretend it doesn’t hurts. I won’t pretend I don’t see the bad side.
But I won’t pretend there isn’t any good in it.
And if, by chance, the route I’m aiming for goes through. I hope everything will turn for the better. I hope.
Because I don’t things to get any worst.
It’s been this way since the beginning. We’ve always had problems. But they were never resolved properly and they just grew to a bigger proportion. It’s so much easier to run away. But running away doesn’t solve anything. It doesn’t help and in the end just makes things worst. But what can I do? The damage has been dealt, and we can’t turn back time now.
All I can do is hope that somewhere at the end of the tunnel there’s a better place.